Marriage Makes Me Marvel

Will here -

As Clare has noted in her posts, marriage has been anything but "settling." In a way, of course, Clare and I do feel much more settled now than ever before in the sense that we have found our life partner, that person with whom we have each decided to spend the rest of our lives. To repeat: the rest of our lives. That is a big deal, and I think it is precisely because it is such a big deal that getting / being married has thrown not just our relationship into stark relief, but also our own lives and what we want out of them. Essentially, marriage is the first decision that we have made that bears with it the connotation of an entire lifetime. Neither one of us entered into it lightly, and neither one of us has since been able to shake the shocking feeling of mortality that comes with a lifetime decision.

Not that this is a bad thing. In fact, I think we'd both say it's been quite the opposite - finally, a full-fledged, no-bones-about-it reason to take a step back, re-evaluate, re-examine, re-set the compass, re-read the maps, re-think the pathway, re-visit our inner selves, re-explore what really makes us tick.

The largest portion of our life passes while we are doing ill, a goodly share while we are doing nothing, and the whole while we are doing that which is not to the purpose. What man can you show me who places any value on his time, who reckons the worth of each day, who understands that he is dying daily? For we are mistaken when we look forward to death; the major portion of death has already passed. Whatever years be behind us are in death’s hands. –Seneca

Stumbled across this quote recently on an Art of Manliness blog post and found it resonating with me (as I think it will probably resonate with others, in spite of its morbidity), particularly given my state of mind of late. Though it means admitting the inevitability of death, and the fact that death greedily eats up the moments here passing, it also gives one license to embrace and prepare for those moments which lie ahead. We can't assume a day more; yet, if we do cast our views just moments into the future, keeping in mind our ephemeral nature, I think it allows us a certain amount of immutable freedom to live as we please for ourselves. And while that should never be at the expense of others - quite the opposite - it does mean freedom, plain and simple.

So, we'll do as we please, and please ourselves as we do. Having had these realizations (these re-awakenings), I think we are both choosing to be fully present. We are embracing ourselves. I am finding my way as a man, as a husband; Clare is on her journey as a woman, as a wife. We are adults. We are making our own way, crafting our own lives, carving out our niche in the world. And it's a beautiful journey.

Our hearts are drunk with a beauty our eyes could never see. -- George W. Russell

Got to love me some livin'.